I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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