Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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