some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
