I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
