you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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