the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
