my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
