I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just had sex on a roof
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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