This is not my ceiling
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
