I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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