You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
