we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
