why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
