if you like me you must not know who I am
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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