I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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