In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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