Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
