you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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