Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
