if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
should my penis look like a turkey
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I need to align my fucking chakras
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
