sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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