I just pynch a tree in the face
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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