I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
