I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
