well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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