Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
