K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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