We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize