While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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