It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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