Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
