my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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