Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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