between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
