I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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