she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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