She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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