My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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