i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
