Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
