We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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