Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You can't special order awesome
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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