it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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