I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
