his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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