sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
