I'm going to jail i love you
I hate all girls vehemently.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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