Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
