wrigley field is MILF paradise
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
