Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
