please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
