I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
