you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I believe in your delicious
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
