I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
