Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
