apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
