I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
