Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
