Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
