I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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