i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
