I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
