i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
