Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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