maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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