I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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