This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
