Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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