who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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