i think my tv is drunk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
